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Any colour you like (or The Other Dream)

Really, I hate blogging. But I love writing. It's important for me to document my thoughts and to preserve them for the future so I can later embarrass myself when I revisit a certain time in my life. At the same time, however, I will start a new entry and soon abandon because I think, "Meh...who cares?" Right now, I'm at the most  interesting point of my life so far. When I was both a kid and younger adult, I knew the trajectory my life was supposed  to take: go to college, get a good job, marry, join a church, have children, retire, die, and go to Heaven. I went to college and that's about all I've accomplished correctly from that list. My orbital trajectory decayed--or got a boost--and I've been lost and confused ever since. I had one shot to get everything right that I was taught in my most formative years. Of course, as nature would have it...I got it wrong. So what do I do with the upcoming decades?  I'm fixin' to traipse my way into Decade N
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Alone

 It's Election Day 2020. Undoubtedly, one of the most historic days I will live through. (One of many, as it's turning out.) For me, this Tuesday has been the second of a tough couple of days that have reminded me of how frail my mental and emotional states are right now. Over the weekend, my ex-fiancée rescued a one-month-old kitten found by a friend and her kids. They named her Prudence, after: Charmed , the Beatles song "Dear Prudence", and The Great British Bake-Off 's Pru[denc]e Leith.  I saw this little furball Sunday night while I stopped by to visit my little girl and do laundry. It was ridiculously CUTE. Pru was so tiny in my arms and so light to hold. All this little baby wanted was to snuggle with her new humans. Especially heartmelting was seeing my daughter bond with her new friend.  The next morning, I checked in on Pru and my ex had to take her to the vet due to some gastrointestinal issues that had happened through the night and had made the kitty
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The fourth first step

Eight years ago this month, I began the last journey I thought I'd ever find myself making. It began when I decided to end my marriage. What had been a comparatively quiet and drama-free life both before I got married and during the marriage itself was now the battleground of a moral and spiritual crisis. My wife and I weren't really happy in the marriage, but our religious inclinations initially prevented us from seeking the only solution that common sense seemed to be telling us: divorce. After months of struggling with a lot of hard, big feelings that I didn't understand, I decided to rip off the bandage and embrace that bitter, forbidden destiny.  As I predicted when I made that choice, all hell broke loose. My parents sided with my wife, most of our friends sided with her, and I was left alone in an apartment I couldn't afford by myself. Of course, we were also expecting our first child at the time of this separation, so that only added to public disdain for yours
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